i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
