Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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