where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
