i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
