he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
A+ Viking dick
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
