The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
