No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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