While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
