Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
