I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
