She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
