You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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