I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
