I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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