i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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