i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
