In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
