Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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