it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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