M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
