getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
