god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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