Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
