I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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