I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
