I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
