He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
