Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
