I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
