I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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