I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
