My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
