you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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