dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
