this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
