Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh god it's open bar.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
