I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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