You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have aggressive nipples.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
