I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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