We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
