So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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