Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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