a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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