I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She even gives head with a lisp.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
