This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
