I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
