i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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