Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
