You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
