Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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